Argentina

Ever go out and feel underdressed?

Well that's a permanent feeling for me in Argentina. Ok, so I know I am not the smartest turned out traveler in the world (or non traveler come to think of it) but the local ladies are seriously stylish in these parts. Everything is pressed in, accentuated when appropriate, highlighted for all to admire, this really is heaven for an admirer of the opposite sex.

Shame I grabbed the first thing to hand before hitting town last night, a dodgy Hawawian shirt that meant I stood out like a carnivore at a vegetarian convention, no one was rude to my face, but boy could you tell they were thinking "What is this idiot doing in these parts?"

Aside from the beautiful women, we are also expecting lots of nice food and wine which is handy, given that the accommodation when we arrived in Salta was lacking, or rather the toilet and shower rooms were, with just one bathroom between 12 of us! That on its own isn't so bad, until you factor in that half the 12 were girls, the sort of whom have brought hair straighteners and hair dryers on an overlanding trip. They might not get to do their hair every day, indeed two days camping had left us all a bit grubby, but a clean bathroom, a working plug and a chance to tart themselves up was never likely to be missed and/or taken quickly.

So rather than wait for 6 girls to get ready (it was Friday night and the pub was open) I didn't mess around and just booked in the nearest hotel I could find, £45 being the price of a good nights sleep (rather than 6 to a room) and the prospect of a shower some time this millennium. Not to mention the price of a pint.

The newbies on the hippy bus are a mixed bag, the most bizarre being a 71 year old from Aus who you wouldn't think was day under 78. It's just like having your senile old granma with you, who handily needs helping everywhere. Now senile old grandmothers (SOGs) are usually farmed off to the old people's home, for their own good, but our SOG has no kids, so seemingly no-one has stepped in taken the long overdue step. She really has fallen through the Aussie safety net right onto our laps. Australia might be able to cope with her, and she might be able with Australia, but I ask you...an overlanding trip in the developing world? This is just a holiday too far for the poor SOG.

Maybe we could take her to a local old people's home and leave her there? She won't know the difference and given the lack of spoken English by the locals, we should be away before anyone notices. Ok, so I am a bit harsh but I kid you not, she can't cross the road on her own, cope with money, make a simple decision like "Should I eat chips or French Fries". One example, she went to Chile for 2 days, needing money for dinners (about £20 each), water, tips, breakfasts, shopping etc and asks me if £25 will be enough...then looks at me as if I am being unkind when I respond "No". Would she rather I lie and have her run out of money as she did, in Peru, and Bolivia, twice.

I genuinely hope she makes it to Beunos Aires alive, as her untimely death would surely hold us up, given the fact that we'd probably have to report it, then find a doctor, ship her out etc. The likelihood of an untimely ending is growing by the road crossing, as the frustration of the rest of us means death by strangulation is a distinct possibility. Luckily I don't have to room or tent with her, but I might keep an eye out in case one of the girls requests an extra pillow one night.

Euthanasia isn't something one should joke about (or probably blog about) but the beauty of blogs is that you can get away with shit you can't normally. The clincher for me is her taste in music. We actually have to listen to classical music every so often, which in itself I can cope with, but I am banned from my requests for NWA's "Fuck da police" (we have a police officer on the trip) as the trip leaders think this might upset her.

Ok enough, I am only messing. I like to vent on my blog so I can continue to be polite and understanding in reality, and I do like old people generally, especially when they leave you money in their wills. Stop, I am joking. Old people do offer a lot to the world, in their wisdom, knowledge, and the fact that they fought in the war, and judging by the age of our SOG, she probably served in the Crimean too.